Julian Richards

Anxiety, depression, low mood, despair: What’s wrong? It’s much easier to ask that question than answer it. Some clients can’t put a name to what they’re feeling; some aren’t feeling anything at all. Yet there’s a nagging suspicion life could be better, a desire not to feel like this forever.

Attachment issues: As a child, did you get the care you feel you deserved? Were you separated from your siblings or a parent due to family breakdown? Perhaps you were adopted, or fostered for a period. Maybe you were sent away to boarding school. Sometimes, childhood is characterised by a sense of abandonment. You may have reached a stage where you want to understand how your past is influencing your life now.

Bereavement, grief, death: Some losses are harder to come to terms with than others. You may be feeling anger, guilt, or resentment towards the person who’s gone. Perhaps the bereavement has stirred up family tensions. I have helped many clients come to terms with the pain of loss, difficult memories, and the sense of isolation that can accompany the death of a loved one.

Family: Family conflict has been the stuff of drama since ancient times, yet many of us still assume families will be close and supportive, offering unconditional love. I have worked with clients who feel they are the odd one out, some who are estranged from close relatives, and some who simply don’t love a parent.

Life changes: From a promotion at work to redundancy or retirement, the strange process of ageing, the menopause, sudden ill-health, separation or divorce, challenging caring obligations, or the discovery of your true sexuality or gender – sometimes life sets you a challenge you weren’t expecting, and sometimes predictable changes can bring unexpected outcomes and emotions.

Low self-esteem, imposter syndrome: Do you put yourself down? Do you feel uneasy about reaching for the status and responsibility you want? There are all sorts of reasons – past and present – for heightened insecurities. I’ve worked with clients to explore the roots of their self-doubt, to find out why they continually compare themselves with others rather than recognising their own value as individuals.

Purpose and meaning: What is the point of it all? This isn’t just a philosophical question. To live a fulfilled and contented life, most people need a sense of purpose. So what is standing in the way of yours? Starting from your values and the things you enjoy, we can work towards a better understanding of what you’re here for.

Relationships: In many ways, it’s the relationships we have with others – as well as the ones we don’t – that make us what we are. Whether it is in your professional or your private life, it can be challenging to experience relationship breakdown, rejection, lies, betrayal, and guilt. You may be feeling regret, remorse, resentment, or rivalry. Perhaps you’re worried that it’s a familiar pattern in your life. Working with me, you can find a way through this emotional minefield with confidence and hope.

Social anxiety: Do you avoid spending time in groups? For some of my clients, being with other people is such hard work that they shy away from socialising altogether. Maybe you worry that you’re boring or can’t keep up with your more confident, quick-witted peers. Whatever the roots of your social anxiety, together we can understand and tame those fears.

Identity: Some of us don’t fit in with the groups we’re supposed to. It can be hard to live the life you want when society seems to demand otherwise. Maybe you aren’t sure who or what you are. Maybe you don’t want to think, feel, or behave the way you’re expected to as a man, as a woman, as a person of your class or racialised identity or culture or age or sexual orientation. We can find out how other people’s expectations are boxing you in. In the end, you can be free to explore your own identity without rejecting the collective values that also make you who you are.

Trauma: Terrifying experiences and neglect can change your brain and nervous system, leaving you prey to extreme emotions or numbness. As well as listening to your pain, and attending to it, we may use grounding techniques to help you process your experiences without becoming overwhelmed or retraumatised. Session by session, calmly and carefully, you can start to put those experiences where they belong – in the past.

Thoughts of suicide: Are you desperate to voice the thoughts you can’t tell anyone else? I have worked with people who feel overwhelmed by life and compelled to consider death. Calmly, we’ll find out more about these thoughts. We’ll work to find a way out of the trap, towards more frequent encounters with ease and hope. If you’re in a crisis, though, call Samaritans on 116 123 or the NHS on 111.